Just a wild hair....

So the girls were trying on Halloween Costumes today & I found a high school cheerleading costume in the tub. Of course I thought hummmm...I wonder...

Ignore the crazy morning fly aways on my head...but yes it fit! I was actually quite shocked! Clay loved it...wink, wink!

Loving my new body! After a yer, I am down 134 lbs!

It's Been Awile...

So I haven't updated in a while...I've kinda hit a stall. I know after getting rid of 129 lbs in 10 months it is to be expected, but it worries me some since I still have 30 lbs left to get rid of. I haven't lost anything in a month.

The first 129 lbs was so easy, I haven't really had to work at it much. Now comes the really hard work! I am going to have to start getting my behind back to the gym on a regular basis, walking in the neighborhood, or riding our stationary bike.

I love how far I have come & I would be perfectly happy if I never lost another pound, but I know I can do this. I have come so far...I can't stop now.

I have connected with lots of other people who have had gastric surgery via the internet (facebook & blogs). One of my faves is The World According to Eggface. Shelly shares tons of recipes & experiences that she has lived since her surgery years ago. Her recipe ideas are amazing!  She also has great giveaways every month. Check out her site for this month's giveaway! http://theworldaccordingtoeggface.blogspot.com/2012/07/eggface-summer-sample-giveaway.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+blogspot%2FPBbco+%28theworldaccordingtoeggface%29

Hope everyone has a great rest of the week! I can't wait of the weekend! Gonna put my sleeping toddler to bed (she fell asleep next to me on the couch as I was writing this blog) & then I am gonna read while riding the bike. Nighty Night Everyone!

F'ed Up Body Image....

It is funny to me how often people tend to shy away from the word fat when talk with fat people. I feel like I can safely use this term, because that is exactly what I was just 8 short months ago. I wasn't heavy, I wasn't plump, I wasn't thick or voluptuous...I was just plain fat...I had been for years. I was never really concerned with the appearance of different areas of my body because I was just plain fat so why fret & worry about the rest of it...it was like that because I was fat!

After my separation & the birth of my second daughter, I was at an all time low point in my life. On one hand I was a good mom, completely devoted to my two beautiful daughters, but on the other hand I was extremely depressed because my life seemed to be falling apart around me & it didn't seem like I could do anything to change it...or so I thought.

God knew what I needed even better than I did. I was content to have my world revolve around my children doing everything on my own. A friend at church once asked me if I thought I would ever get married again. I laughed & told them that I wasn't looking for anyone...that if God saw fit for me to get married again, then he was just going to have to drop a man in my lap. I now know that God must have been laughing as I said this, because 1 year later that is exactly what he did. Out of the blue an old friend from college I hadn't spoken to in nearly 15 years looked me up. We started hanging out, rekindling our friendship. Before I even realized what was happening, I had fallen in love with this amazing man who was good to me, good to my girls, & who accepted me for exactly who I was in that moment.

You would think that I would be content, but no...but his presence finally gave me the courage to take charge of my life. I started working my way through the approval process for RNY Gastric Bypass with my insurance. During my 6 month approval process I was able to lose 23 pounds & in September, my insurance approved my surgery & I regained control of my life. This has not been an easy load, but I am now 120 pounds down from my highest weight. You would think that losing 120 pounds would make someone happy, but life is always more complicated than that.

While I love my new thinner silhouette, I am now forced to deal with the imperfections my body has to offer due to the excess weight I carried around for all those years. I have tons of excess skin on both my arms & my stomach & my girls are not what they used to be...heck they are almost non-existent! I know that someday I would like to get those things fixed, hoping that I may even be lucky enough to get insurance to cover the stomach. But the thing that bothers me most are my legs. I have tons of vein damage that is visible on my legs. I spider veins, varicose veins, lumpy vein areas, & residual swelling just above my left angle from clot just before I had Kayleigh. I would love to be able to wear shorts, cute capri's, or skirts that are not floor length, but they make me extremely uncomfortable. I don't even like wearing them in my own home. I still find that even after losing 120 pounds the only way I am truly comfortable with the way I look is to be fully covered from head to toe in pants & at least a 3/4 sleeve. I like to be covered!

While I often dream of the body I could have if money were no object, my reality if quick to smack me in the face. A 120 pound weight loss does not mean instant self love...in my case it accentuated the body image issues I had all along. It has emphasized that even though I have worked so hard, there are things about my body I am never going to be able to change without winning the lottery (BTW - I don't play). So I will continue to struggle with learning to love myself! It is a 24/7/365 project that requires extreme diligence' Until I find the happy medium, I will continue to live with my f'ed up body image & just try to be happy!

Looking back...

I am 225 days post-op today (7.5 months). To date I am down 118 lbs since my highest weight & down 95 lbs since my surgery 7.5 months ago. I am extremely proud of how far I have come. I don't have a single day of regret since I began my new life on 9/12/11. Getting there was a long road of approval processes to go through, finding out I was pregnant with Kayleigh one month from completely my approval process & then starting all over again. I wouldn't change one since minute.

After basking in my success thus far, I still find myself looking forward to how much further I have to go. I still have 41 lbs to go & I know that is not much considering what I have already lost, but it is going to be the hardest 41 lbs yet. I weight loss has greatly tapered off! I am looking forward to getting myself a bike in a couple of weeks. I am needing to change up my exercise routine & I am also hoping that cycling will help tone up my hips & legs since that is where I am carrying the remainder of my excess weight. When I think about the time it is going to take me to lose this last 41 lbs compared to how quickly I dropped the 1st & even 2nd 41 lbs...well I get kinda of depressed!

I just have to remember that I have to keep at it & not let it get to me...I will get there!

The Meet of the Mo's....

My dad's side or the family is having a get together/reunion of sorts today called the Meeting of the Mo's in Louisville, KY. Not entirely sure who all is going to show up, but I do know that my Great Aunt Barbara & Great Uncle Jerry are coming in from Birmingham, AL...YEAH! I haven't them in a number of years...since my Aunt Barbara's brother Rayden passed away when Morgan was 2 I think. My Aunt Theresa & Uncle Mark are coming...it has been at least the same number of years since I have seen them, They have 3 children that I haven't seen since I was in late high school/early college...obviously too many years to count. I am not sure if they are coming, but I hope they are because they have children of their own now that I have never met!

My Uncle Mike & Aunt Margaret are coming in from IN. Not sure if their 2 boys are coming or not, haven't seen them since George & Jodie's graduation party. My cousins Renee, Michelle, & Renee's daughter Dani Michelle are coming...they are always a blast to see!

I can't wait! Although I am really nervous! I am now down 116 pounds now & while none of these people have never seen me at my largest, & I was probably closer to this size the last time the majority of these people saw me, I want to look my best! I have been trying to decide what to wear for the last week...finally just had Clay basically decide for me. HE HE! He probably thinks I am crazy.

Well now to dry my hair, start breakfast & wake up my beautiful family so we can get this awesome day started!

Short & Sweet!

This post won't take much of your time, but it has been a while & since I am wide away after Morgan woke me up because she had a nightmare about snakes wrapping themselves around her & her 1st Communion shoes, I figured I might as well update you guys with my little milestone from yesterday! Whew! That run on sentence has me getting tired all ready!

Clay & I had a wonderful child free weekend this past weekend. Dinner & a movie Friday night after the storms, then to Nashville Saturday for some retail therapy & the show at BB Kings downtown. I spent a whopping $13.08 on 3 XL tops from the Juniors Department at Belk in the Cool Springs Mall....seriously that is the only thing we bought! But yes did you notice the were tops from the Juniors Department? Yeah me!

Monday morning I got on the scale, not expecting any movement...there hasn't been any in weeks. Low & behold, I was down 2 pounds! My current weight is 199 pounds...there is no longer a 2 at the beginning of my weight...I have finally arrived in Onederland!!! YIPPEE!!!!!

To date, I am down 110 pounds since Feb 2010, & 87 pounds since my Surgery in September 2011. My surgeon's office says that by the 6 month mark (I will be 6 months post-op on 3/12) most patients have lost 55% of the excess body weight. I am just shy of 6 months post-op & I have lost 63.9% of my excess body weight, so I am ahead of the game! Not bad if I do say so myself!  I now have 49 pounds left to lose to meet the goal set my my surgeon. I will get there sooner or later!

101...Pounds...OMG!

It was a great day today! Stepped on the scale today & amazingly I was down 3 more pounds. As of today, I have lost 101 pounds in the last year...I am completely amazed! I go up this morning & and after seeing that glorious number on the scale, I tried on a stack of jeans given to me by a friend & one of them actually fit! They were a pair of Boyfriend Fit Tommy Hilfiger jeans in a size 14. Yes I actually wore a size 14 pair of jeans to work today. I can't remember the last time I wore a size 14!

BTW - Since my surgery, I am down 78 pounds, & I have lost 48 inches over my entire body.

The Mental Side of Weight Loss...

I have known for years that weight loss is not only physical, but mental as well...but that didn't really sink in for me until New Years Day. I decided to update my before & current picture to my current loss at the time of 67 lbs. Clay had taken a great picture of me before we headed out to celebrate the night on New Years Eve...so I decided to use that picture. As I sat with my computer on my lap I was stunned to look at the difference in the 2 pics.

My 'before' picture was taken the morning of my surgery. Clay even says that if he hadn't been the one to take the picture, he wouldn't have believed it was me...I believe his exact words were, "I don't remember that you." I sat for about 10 minutes staring at this side by side...in complete disbelief. Many things ran through my mind. How did I ever forget how to love myself? How did I let myself get that big? How did I not realize I was that big? And the magic question that kept repeating itself in my head...How could someone find "that" attractive & fall in love with me? Clay must have known that my thought process was not productive, because he simply closed my laptop & took it off my lap.

I love compliments...they are a wonderful much needed encouragement & I appreciate every single one of them. But have you ever stopped & thought about the compliment you were giving before you gave it? Most people don't. I had this experience Sunday afternoon at church. The normal compliments are "You look great!" Wow, you are just wasting away!" "You look amazing!" The ones that really get me are the ones that refer to my beauty. Don't get me wrong, I have never considered myself to be a beautifully stunning person...I am far from gracing the cover of a magazine, but I did consider myself to be beautiful...every woman should...no matter their size! I do not believe that a person's beauty is directly related to their weight or lack there of.

Sunday as I was getting the normal compliments from my friends in the church choir, I had a woman tell me that I was "getting more & more beautiful" every time she saw me. The tone she used when giving this compliment stung as it slapped me in the chest. And her husband had WLS about 3 years ago as well. I know she meant well, but her compliment hurt. Now I have been know to be a little bit of a smart ass at time...yes I know it is hard to believe! I looked directly at her after receiving her compliment smile a huge smile and said, "Why thank you (insert name here), but I am pretty sure I was beautiful before I lost weight!" Now I know I shouldn't have said it...as soon as the words crossed my lips, I wish I could have sucked them right back in, but I couldn't. And you know what...it felt really good to stand up for myself & all of the other "Beautiful Big Babes" in the world. Oh well, maybe this person will learn not to associate beauty with being thin the next time she compliments someone on their weight loss!